To Absent Fiends

(I originally wrote this in 2009)

Why is the world so obsessed with what you do for a living? Why is it that when you meet someone for the first time, or bump into an old friend, one of the first questions they ask is “So what are you working as these days”? Why does it matter what I’m working as these days, or any other days? My job doesn’t define me as a person, it’s just something I do to make ends meet.

For 8 hours of every day I sit at a desk doing dull, repetitive tasks, which is probably more boring for me than it will be for you if I explain it. However for the other 16 hours I enjoying playing a few different musical instruments; I write songs for my band; I watch more horror movies than I probably should; I read novels; I like riding my bike through the park; I like walking down by the river and watching all the birds; I try to read a little bit about a lot of things so I have a rudimentary understanding of the world we live in - geology, astronomy, biology etc; I love the smell of fresh coffee, of clean laundry and of newly-washed hair; I like to try new kinds of food; I like doing puzzles, like crosswords, codebreakers etc. to keep my brain working; I love listening to music, the two genres I enjoy most are depressing acoustic guitar stuff, and thuggish gangsta rap, which is in complete contrast to my personality; every time I listen to Biggie Smalls or Elliot Smith I feel a pang of sadness that they are no longer with us; I’m also a fan of the peculiar sub-genre of “psychobilly”, which is a mash-up of rock & roll / rockabilly, and zombies - imagine zombies playing double basses and singing about driving hot-rods and you’re halfway there; I appreciate colourful tattoos, though I only have two small ones myself and they are both black and white; my only regret in life is never getting a degree, though I’m very glad I dropped out of my university course cos if I had become a journalist I’d have to kill myself on general principle; I think religion in it’s current form is an outdated concept, and basically a practical joke that got out of hand; I find the depiction of men in women’s magazines, as sex-obsessed lunkheads with a DIY fixation to be borderline offensive; I hate how I can’t have a cold without someone (female) saying “oh it must be man-flu”; I despair that the world is such a cold, mistrusting place that you are afraid to talk to a child you don’t know in case you’re branded a paedophile; I’d love to visit Japan and China, and if I could live anywhere in the world it would be Switzerland (again); every time I swim in the sea I worry I’m going to get stung by jellyfish.

Aren’t these the kind of things that are going to give you an idea of what I’m actually like as a person? No? You actually want to know what I do for a living? Well…

One head / face accessory is enough. Hat, sunglasses or headphones. You can pull off two, but it takes skill. NEVER three however.